Column Writing

2008 TPA Better Newspaper Contest

First Place D8

Bandera County Courier

Dearly Demented Mom

By Mikie Baker

Years ago, Mom called me on the phone. She was all excited because she'd just read an article on Alzheimer's. She explained that the difference between Alzheimer's and getting old is that getting old means forgetting where your car keys are. Alzheimer's is when you forget what your car keys are for.

That concept was easy to grasp, so she had me prepared in case Alzheimer's became her demise. But she didn't have me prepared for dementia. When the doctor pronounced the diagnosis, I said, "No problem. Mom's had shingles, a cracked sternum, nonlymphoma cancer and gave birth to me, so how hard can this be? Just tell me what dementia means and she and I will deal with it."

And deal with it we have. As the doctor explained, she simply becomes more childlike as she ages. We've just finished experiencing the "terrible twos" and seems like we've turned a corner back to that 18-month-old baby stage, you know the phase. You think your baby is just darling and your baby thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. A few blissful months for a child-rearing parent.

Taking care of Mom is like that. New parents gush about the delight in a young child's development and wonderment in discovering a whole new world. Funny, but nobody ever talks about the delight in an old woman aging to the point of becoming a newborn again. Mom and I have had our moments, but mostly we've had our chuckles. Here are some recent highlights of a demented brain.

Mom on beauty

Mom, "You are so pretty."

Me, "Thank you mom!"

Mom, "Do you know why you're so pretty?"

Me, "No, mom, tell me."

Mom, "Because you look just like me!"

(Gosh, I really hope I don't look quite that old...)

Mom on cooking

Me, "Here's your dinner, mom."

Mom, (giggling like a small child) "Wow! Did you make this?"

Me, "Of course, mom, I made it just for you."

Mom, "Really? I didn't even know you could cook!"

(Guess she'll never forget my first disastrous Thanksgiving dinner...)

Mom on behavior

Mom, "You're such a good girl."

Me, "Thanks, mom – I try."

Mom, "Well, you don't ever do what I tell you to, but you're still a good girl."

(I'm sure these are her memories of my teenage years...)

Mom on the weather

Me, "Guess what, mom. It's raining again."

Mom, "Again? It can't be. This is such dry country."

(This from a woman who lived in Dallas 40 years and actually tried to fry an egg on the sidewalk one hot August day.)

Mom on dating

Me, "Mom, the babysitter is here because I am going out on a date."

Mom, "Oh boy! Have you got a boyfriend?"

Me, "Well, I really don't think so, mom. It's just a date."

Mom, "I wish I had a boyfriend."

Me, "Really? What would with you do with a boyfriend if you had one?"

Mom, "That's easy! I'd scratch his back!"

(Hmm. Guess that's how I came to be in this world. Mom was just scratchin' daddy's back...)

So here's your hope for the week. I hope you'll take the time to sit and visit with one of your elders today. Hopefully, you'll leave with a great memory or an endearing story. And here's hoping that my mom keeps coming up with more great zingers so we can keep laughing her all the way to heaven.